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Luke 6:32-35

I don't recall every hearing/reading these verses before, but I honestly feel they were written with me in mind. These verses address what I would probably consider as my largest dead branch; one that negatively affects my ability to bear healthy fruit. With the combination of being a fairly logical thinker and how I was raised, I have always been a person who believes that you get out what you put in - and that goes for everyone. I guess this could almost be considered a tit for tat philosophy. I was talking to Loran about this scripture yesterday and I told her how it applies to me so much. She then asked how. To clarify, she asked if I only do something to get something out of it. No way I replied! That sounds so selfish - and I truly don't believe that I am like that. Because that takes consciousness and a sense of pre-meditation, knowing that you will get something in return for your "works". My case is different, because I only begin to see what value is in things for me when I feel like I haven't received equal treatment, or gotten back what I've put in. And then Mr. PRIDE gets involved, along with his friend Mr. Logical. So now I have a problem on my hands, because I have gone from doing things for others out of love, passion and friendship to now becoming one who's basis is... justice! But as the verse says, it is easy to love those who love you - for even a sinner loves those who love him. Beautiful - I don't think I could write that in a more comprehensive and understandable way if I tried for a 100 years. God of creation, this is the cry of my heart. Please inscribe this message of true love on my heart. Let your love rush through my veins like a wild river. I pray that everyday for the rest of my life may I meditate on this scripture Lord - this is my discipline that must be done to bring Glory to your name, and I can't express the joy I have to begin to change. Mold me God. If you have read this, I need prayer. Please encourage me and help me to be a strong healthy tree, one who bears good fruit!

Luke 6:32-35
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.

poem.

The first God I remember was a Santa Claus God,
who you only turn to around
Christmas time, who you tried to butter up,
and you got mad at if you didn't get what you wanted.

That didn't make sense.

I knew if there was a God, he could see through us,
like we were made out of cellophane, like he could stare directly into our hearts,
the way we look into an aquarium,
like he'd know what was floating around in there,
like he were the one feeding it.

Then there were those people who used god to threaten you,
saying "you'd better be careful- God's watching,"
like God was some badass hillbilly sitting on some cloud,
with some binoculars, a cotton candy beard and a shotgun.

Then there were those people who had God's name on a bumper sticker,
like he was running for president.
And sometimes those people would cut you off on the freeway and give you the finger,
which is very different than lending a hand.

Then there were people on television,
dressed in weird clothes and scary make-up,
SWEARING that they had the secret to God,
like god was a keyhole their eye was pressed to it,
and if I gave him some money they'd let me look,
and I could see God just hangin' around in his boxers,
and though I liked the idea of spying on God,
I began to wonder if the world would be a better place if the Romans had just put up
with Jesus and let him die of old age...

And then there were the football players,
kneeling down in front of everybody, thanking God,
like he was their best friend,
but then they'd jump up and spike the ball yelling, "I'm number ONE!!",
and that confused me,
for if you're number one,
then what number is God??

Then I saw politicians trotting God out on a leash,
like a racehorse they wanted to hop on and ride to the finish-line.
But if they lost, it would be GOD's fault,
and God would be the donkey they'd pin their problems on,
and that was very nice of God,
to be both a racehorse
and a donkey.

And then there were those who said,
"You'd better be good on earth, if you wanna get into heaven,"
Like heaven was the United States, and the Earth was Mexico,
and angels were the Border Patrol.
Like when you die,
you sit in a parked car on the outskirts of Heaven, the engine idling,
your soul in the back-seat in one of those kennels used to carry small dogs on an airplane,
as you listen to the radio,
hearing the voices of all the people you ever wronged testify against you.

And then there's the church which was like this cafeteria,
where they serve God to you on these very un-Godlike plates,
but I wanted my God PURE, not watered down by humans.
So I had one of those catastrophe gods- you know, the one you called in an emergency,
like God was the National Guard you call on to clean up the earthquake of your life.

So I got drunk one night,
drove home, passed out behind the wheel,
and woke up, going 60mph straight at a brick wall.
I slammed on the brakes, my heart banging like a wrecking-ball in my chest,
staring at death's face,
close enough to see that we had the same cheek-bones.

Now I have a God who's like a mechanic who can fix anything.
So, when I wanna chew somebody's head off like a salt-water taffy,
or amputate my DNA, or open my wrists like windows that have been painted shut,
I just put my soul into a box, like a busted computer, and haul it in.
And He never asks to see my paperwork,
or says that my warrenty has expired.
And I walk out feeling better.

And I don't care if He doesn't exist.

-Jeffrey McDaniel

truth

Again, I'm writing this blog with no title, when I'm finished I will make one. I'm sitting on our patio enjoying a beautiful God-given evening. I'm listening to Brother Ali right now and I'm quickly discovering that although he believes in Islam, his music is some of the most spiritually encouraging music to me - and that in it's self is the essence of God. I would love to describe the setting that I'm a part of right now; I see clouds slowly drifting in a beautiful sky, the sun is slowly setting and spreading an orange and purple haze against the blue - reaching over our balcony is an oxygen giving tree, the temperate is a perfect 72˚ and I have a delightful glass of Argentinian Merlot! (don't worry, still $3/bottle). As I said before, I'm listening to Brother Ali - and if you don't appreciate hip hop, hopefully you could at least appreciate beautiful and relevant poetry. At the end of this post I am going to include a link to one of my favorite songs of his, "Begin Here" - did I mention that he has a new album coming out on tuesday, I'm not sure how much sleep I'm going to get in the next couple of days waiting for it. I haven't posted in a very long time, and that bothers me. I don't think that there's a week that goes by that I don't feel that I'm lacking and have missed-out on the opportunity to blog. God has both blessed me and given me challenges these last few months. I can't quite describe in words the change that I've noticed in my life; my marriage, my friendships and quite frankly - all of my relationships - supernatural or not. It's scary as hell but it also shows me that God is alive and very real - judge not less he be judged. I want to take a moment of prayer right now: gracious God, creator of everything, thank you for giving me a heart that both beats and that feels - Lord, thank you for truth, thank you for love, and thank you for salvation - Amen. I don't know which denomination I belong to, I don't even know if what I believe is necessarily "christian", I do know that God is alive in me and that God is love and truth. Sometimes truth is hard to swallow - sometimes it hurts to accept truth, but God has blessed us with responsibility. I know that sounds like a chore, but if we meditate on that, we can realize that it only accentuates our purpose! I know that this might seem a bit random, but I really hope that my thoughts don't get lost. The sun has now fallen and the absence of light is present. But, beauty is also still present. I apologize for my offenses and my pride - I know that my words and actions are daggers to those I care about. Creator of all, I accept your forgiveness for my earthly sins - my pride, my always present selfishness and my ignorance. God, use us as lights, transform the darkness in this world to light and let the truth be revealed in everything. I sin. I struggle daily. If I don' accept that, I am not allowing truth to be revealed - I am not allowing God... That doesn't mean that I should continue life sinning and ignorantly being - but I am a finger-print of God, we all are. We cannot reach the Creator if we don't accept our faults, deliberate or not. I want to live, even though we are fallen men here on earth, that just exposes more truth and that we have a purpose - and that purpose is not ourselves. As always I don't have the answers, but I know what I don't want to be - I am reminded that by my actions daily. Please encourage and pray for me, I desperately need it, we all do. I want to end this with a prayer: God, I'm scared - please guide me with wisdom and love, as I mature and age, I begin to realize and think things that I don't knowhow to handle - don't abandon me - take me by the hand and take from me what you must to bring Glory to you.

peace.
http://files.me.com/kinley/amxf09.mp3

God is alive, can you feel him?

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I talked with God. I was in the sauna late night at the gym we go to, sitting alone in a dim room that smelled of pine. My body glistening from the heat, I enjoy sweating out the toxins in my body. There's an interesting parallel and metaphor that I feel about my body sweating and the dark that is within me. This winter I would use this time in the sauna for prayer when I would go to the gym. It felt good to be back in this routine, and it felt good to give all my attention to God. I've never been one to have stories about God "speaking" to me or one to have "visions". I'm also one who uses great discretion crediting God when "coincidences" happen. I feel like we try to control what and how God communicates with us. There's a grey area between what is our own psychological jargon and what is from the Holiest of Holies. With that being said, I have had several coincidences happen lately that make me feel deep in my bones, that God is alive in me! The feeling that I have is true love, I know this because my works and deeds have played no role in this. Tonight I gave blood for the first time in my life. I am an extremely sqweemish person and I can't stand my own pulse, getting my blood pressure taken, needles, etc. My friends at work have been encouraging me to give blood for quite sometime. I wasn't planning on doing it, then at 4:30pm I decided at the last minute just to do it. First let me just say that I think our DNA is incredible and it is just another example of God's perfection. The fact that DNA is so complex, every life depends on it and that we are able to give transfusions to eachother, I'm speechless. Let me also say that I am not the new spokes person for this, because it was not a comfortable experience for me, and it won't be easy the next time I do it as everyone promised me. But that's good, let me be put outside of my comfort zone for the benefit of others. Right before the nurse inserted the needle (deep breath...), she asked me if I am a praying person, with which I replied "Yes I am." She said good, feel free to pray right now, I just prayed for you. [Woooooooshhh...] This warm, calming feeling fell over me. Thank you I told her, you saying that makes me feel more calm. She then asked if I was a Christian. I said yes but then told her I don't really like that term and I don't really feel that it correctly defines my faith. She then said something that I have randomly experienced other times in my life. She told me she could tell the second that I walked in the door that I was (a christian). I didn't quite know how to respond, but I've been thinking about it all evening and I am so happy that God has responded to my prayer. Last night I asked that if I serve but only one purpose my entire life, I pray that God use me as a vehicle and that he make himself known in me. I prayed that when I talk, my words stay deep in my throat and that his words are at the front of my lips. I asked God to use me for His glory! I believe that darkness is the absence of light and that God somehow uses me, us, his creation to be lightness in the dark, whether we're aware of it or not. In everywhere we look, in everyone we meet, in every blade of grass - Allah, Allah, Allah! God is present my friends, let us embrace him and and faithfully pray that he use us to be the light in this very dark world. Oh by the way, how amazing is it that God used the nurse tonight to be light and communicate to me... I also found out that she goes to the Lien's church, Substance.

(I was listening to Mayday parade until it quit half way through this post)

people

We have been staying busy lately, between weird house parties, shows, friends, disc golf, bike rides and the other thing, oh yeah - work! I have posted in a while, I'm not sure what to write about or title this post, so I will just give it a title when I'm done. Well, the weekend before last I went to "Portugal. The Man" at the 7th St. entry with Kyle and his friends. The show was cheap and that venue is pretty small and intimate, the band sounded really good as well. The work week was really busy for me so it went fast. We usually play in our volleyball league on Thursdays, but Halloween, Alaska was performing for free at the electric fetus and Summit was giving away free beers. We decided at the last minute to go to the show, and I'm really glad that we did because it was well worth it, and we got to hang out with Brett. I told Loran today that I am starting to believe that one of the main purposes of life is to meet and interact with people. The more I ponder it the more I realize experiences in my personal life that intensify this feeling. One night after disc golf league Jake and I were at Tracy's hanging out, and he said something that stuck with me. I was talking to him about my patience and about frustrations with people, events in my life, etc. He asked me if I think that God ever puts these things in my life to help me develop patience and compassion. Well, I've been thinking about that after every interaction I have with someone, or every situation that I find myself in. I have began to learn a lot, like that I actually do choose how I act and react to people and things, and that God is using these experiences to bring me back to being the man that he created me to be [in His image]. This weekend has been really busy, we've been hanging out with the Ladd's and have been outside a lot. I'm going to finish this here, but it's great to realize the foundational "blocks" of your faith, and although I don't know all of them, I do feel that I've discovered one of them, and that is relationships and people, on all levels.

(I'm listening to Emery's new album, In Shallow Seas We Sail)



Portugal. The Man at 7th St. entry.



Halloween, Alaska at the Electric Fetus.

Encourage the elements of God, Rather than the jars that contain them.

Condemned,
My regret is not writing more for you, Lord.
As this ocean comes to be deeper our vessel becomes less stable,
Look to the sky.
Encourage the elements of God,
Rather than the jars that contain them.
If only the ingredients of man were of such elements.
If only.
With great horror, I admit that we all live off the lust and misfortune of others.
All live off the lust and misfortune of others,
This is vision, not contradiction.
I see greed in the face of a priest,
And deterioration in the walls of cathedrals.
What was right, now wrong,
Casts a cold reflection on glory,
Look to the sky.